Preparing for Parenthood: Key Conversations for Expecting Couples
Preparing for labor and a new baby requires physical, logistical, and conversational approaches between partners. Having thorough and open conversations before the birth of a first child is crucial for both of you. These discussions can bring your internal worlds out into the open—helping you work through your worries, revealing gaps in your shared understanding, and preparing for emotional and practical support. Here are some essential things expecting partners should discuss, along with conversation questions to guide your discussions.
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Birth Plan and Preferences
Planning the Trip: Just like a road trip requires planning to visit places you’ve never been, a birth plan outlines preferences for labor and delivery with an awareness of what you hope for and contingency plans. Helpful birth plans are clear and communicated to everyone involved but allow for adaptability as needed.
Conversation Questions:
What are your preferences for pain management during labor (e.g., epidural, TENS machine, toning, cold packs, massage, breathing techniques, hypno-birthing, guided meditation, nitrous, narcotics)?
How can support people assist—before, during, and after labor?
Where do you envision giving birth (hospital, birth centre, home birth)?
Who do you want to be present during labor and delivery (partner, doula, family members)?
Who will manage communication with family and friends?
What are we going to eat, and who is preparing food ahead of time?
What household responsibilities will shift from one partner to another or someone else (food preparation, cleaning, pet care, financial management/paying bills, taking other children to daycare/school, etc.)?
Caring for Baby
A New World: Before having children, many people imagine changing diapers to be the “yuck” part of caring for a baby. However, many parents would easily trade being elbow-deep in poo for a few consecutive hours of sleep. Here are a few questions to clarify values and priorities.
Conversation Questions:
What are your thoughts on feeding methods (breastfeeding, formula feeding)?
What resources do we know of or could turn to that would support our hopes?
Will we use cloth or disposable diapers?
Is there anything with baby care we don’t feel prepared for, and who could we ask or hire for advice?
How do you feel about different sleep arrangements (co-sleeping, crib)?
Who will be getting up at night with the baby?
How frequently will we revisit these discussions, since baby-days are intense and rapidly changing?
What are our preferences for pediatric care and vaccinations?
How will we decide on protocols for when the baby is sick or needs medical attention?
Budgeting, Childcare, and Leave
As humorously depicted by the Lonely Island, those diapers can be costly! Talking about shifting budget needs is crucial.
Conversation Questions:
What is our current financial status, and what budget can we set for baby-related expenses (diapers, clothing, healthcare)?
How will potential changes in income be managed if one partner takes parental leave?
How are we dividing parental leave?
Are we procuring any childcare—night nurse, mother’s helper, daycare, etc.?
Communication and Conflict Resolution
Your love and care for your growing family will also give rise to new worries and fears. Adapting to the change will also require revisiting conversations and sorting out disagreements—all while being potentially low on resources. These conversations are intended to support you in practicing communication with your partner so that when you are inevitably low on personal resources, you also have some practice!
Conversation Questions:
How can we effectively communicate our needs and concerns? Is there anything we could start doing or stop doing?
What strategies will we use to resolve conflicts that may arise from stress or sleep deprivation?
Consider therapy and counselling for birth preparation or transitioning to parenthood
Ultimately, your intuition and love for each other and your child will develop and flourish. Parenting requires thoughtfulness and growth, but it can also strengthen confidence, resolve, and depth of experience. By addressing the coming needs and changes and asking the right questions, couples can navigate the emotional, physical, and logistical changes that come with welcoming a new baby. At our west Ottawa psychotherapy centre, we understand the challenges and joys of this life-changing experience. Our team of experienced therapists is here to support you through every step of your journey, providing counseling, birth preparation, and resources to help you build a strong foundation for your growing family.
Some of our practitioners specialize in perinatal and postpartum support for parents, new mothers and fathers, and couples. If you need further assistance or a safe space to explore these conversations, don't hesitate to reach out to us. Together, we can create a nurturing environment for both you and your new baby.